Do we really understand and fully control our thoughts and emotions?

No we don't fully understand our feelings and emotions. There are outside forces working for us and against us. It is called being human. Your intentionally do things to prevent yourself from the feeling of hurt and pain. That is also why you feel the need to come back at people. You can despise authority but we need it or people will be running amok with no boundaries. It appears you are still trying to find yourself and what you want out of life and haven't been successful yet. I tend to go against the grain myself. I do dance in the streets and in stores and in all public places. I don't care, as I am happy when I dance and I notice it puts many smiles on the faces of people. I even had someone say to me, "I wish I could be like that." I say:Just do it! I laugh harde than anyone else when I do something dumb. The laughing relieves stress. I think you need to find a sport or some more interests that challenge you and will teach you that you win and lose . Laughter is good medicine! I don't know your age and that would make a difference. No you are not greedy, You just need to find an outlet that is healthy and will take away anger or obssesive thoughts. The more you think about things, the more your mind will not shut off. I have a heavy bag and boxing gloves, so when I feel upset, I use that as an outlet. You need to find something you like that will relieve stress. Yes, the world is septic to me too. The art of communication is going away and being replaced by Ipods, the texting , the internet. So much of us gets lost in communicating when people use these items. Family life, as I knew it growing up, has changed and not for the better. You could use a friend that talks about things you like. Don't be so hard on yourself and relieve the stress and the thoughts will start to diminish. Hm.....devil on one shoulder; angel on the other. Many times we laugh on the outside and are crying on the inside.